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Parenting Styles

Trying to have a normal adult conversation with children in the room is hard work. You either have them crying every time you open your mouth, (baby stage) or they are playing their noisiest game they can think of whilst you’re trying your absolute best, to have a serious conversation. Example ‘So today at work *bang crash “arghhhhhhh”* I had to tell Frank (fake crying) “Jackson storm that’s not very nice” That I ran over his cat in the car park *evil laugh from Gabriel in the corner*’
This leads me onto, how every child is different, but they are all monsters and inappropriate at times. It doesn’t matter how well behaved little Johnny is when you can see him. They all have their evil streaks. This does not mean they should be left out of activities that little Arthur is doing.
They all learn in their own special way too. What works for one might not work for another! This blog post has been a little hard to write but read on and you will understand why.
mum sat on the floor drinking coffee
There are a lot of parenting styles out there and just to clarify you all do an amazing job no matter how you do it. I have struggled a lot with my self esteem especially when it comes to parenting my little boy. He is so full of life and character that sometimes I get swept away with the milestones he is supposed to be hitting instead of the magic that he creates.
You see my little boy is full of the joys of life. He sees the good side of everyone he meets and he literally makes people’s days better. This is not me being biased this is me being told this on a day to day basis from a lot of people I meet.
But then I also get told by other people ‘how do you cope?’ ‘wow he is so energetic’ ‘no wonder you’re tired all the time’ ‘I can see why you love coffee’ and my favourite ‘is he like this at home?’ that last one kills me a little every time I hear it. You see my boy loves nothing more than running around in the fresh air screaming and laughing at the sky or the ground or anything else that catches his eyes.
He also loves reading and writing and numbers, but these are the things he will only do for me in his safe space. That makes me feel special. I get to see that side of him when he’s quiet and lining up his cars and counting them. However he is not the type of boy that will sit when he is told to sit.
But that’s ok in my eyes. All children are different and all children have their own way of dealing with things, but all children should be included no matter what. It doesn’t matter what age they are (I was playing a matching game with my 1 year old nephew at the weekend, even though he hadn’t the faintest idea of what he was doing, he was still included in our game.) Or even what skill set they are.
Now I am an overprotective mother. I always see things that sometimes aren’t there. Such as at his swimming lesson, he always gets picked last to jump in or swim across. Then he doesn’t listen and jumps in anyway which means he gets told off by the teacher. This is just his nature. He is so eager to get on with life, that he doesn’t want to wait for everyone else he wants to do it now. (board games are a hoot with my child lol).  
Mum and son at the seaside
However there are magical moments with him, one I will never forget is him running around the garden in the rain and noticing the drain pipe coming from the roof (we were on holiday), he stood looking at it for a moment then broke into song. He sang incy wincy spider and did all the actions whilst looking at the drain pipe and feeling the rain on his face. That is magical. But again I was the only one to see it.
I also believe that all children are little shits! (ooh I know ouch). You see what I believe is they are either little shits to your face, or little shits behind your back. Either way they push their boundaries. Little Jonny over there who does his homework every night, has slept well from being 4 weeks old and only eats fruit and vegetables, might be the apple of his parents eye. However you can tell that kid is a terror when it comes to being in the playground with his friends.
This is where he will push his boundaries and see what he can get away with, without his parents knowing about it. Where as little Evan who eats chocolate and plays with his tablet instead of doing his homework every night, and would rather cram it all in the day before it’s due, pushes his boundaries where his parents can see. Both of these children are just doing what comes naturally to them. There is no right or wrong way to bring them up.
There is a nice way of talking to each other though. So no more of how do you cope? Is he always like this? Why not try a different tactic. Why not try ‘do you want me to take them for half an hour?’ Would you like me to run off their steam?
Saying all this I wouldn’t change him for the world. He is so well behaved when he is out of his safe space. He always goes to sleep at 7pm every night and is up at 6am every morning. That is really early but if I ask him to go and play in his room, he will. And he will leave me to sleep for an extra half an hour.
There was an instance not too long ago, that I went to post my morning post on coffee monkey’s facebook page, and came across a video of me asleep. It definitely wasn’t my husbands work, Gaby had decided to try to take my picture but switched it to video. Luckily I wasn’t snoring or talking in my sleep. The other morning I did wake up with Gabriel asking me where the gorilla is? So I must have been talking to him, whilst I was asleep. So not only do I love monkeys but I dream about them too.  
So basically this whole blog post was just about being kind to each other and see if you can help instead of judging as there is enough judgy people in the world. Especially if you are related to that person. I just want to finish this post with a poem wrote by one of my incredibly talented friends. She sent me this when I was feeling very low and I was second guessing my parenting style.
Erica and Trina smiling
There's a special lad in my life.
We speak almost every day.
He always manages to make me see life,
in a completely different way.
His heart is full of love,
his smile radiates it too.
Like he's got a pinch of magic in him and is dying to share it with you.
I know in my darkest hours I can conjure up his face
and where there once was sadness,
happiness takes its place.
This little boy has no idea,
to him its just his way,
but i'm a better person because of him
and what he teaches me, each day.
I've never known a child quite like him,
so spirited and free.
Thank you Angel Gabriel,
for bringing out the best in me x
If you would like to read anymore of my mummy musings then you can do Here.
Plus if you would like to treat your little monster with a monkey of their own you can do here.
I am going to leave this on a positive note, it doesn’t matter what type of mum you are, if your child is fed, happy and clothed, then you are doing an amazing job. Keep going mummy you’re perfect in every way xxxx

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3 comments

  • An absolutely lovely blog. Written from the heart x

    Cara

  • Absolutely love this. So so true. X

    Harriet

  • So True!!

    It’s so hard to know whats ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
    Self esteem is something we all struggle with, i think it’s so brave of you, opening up and sharing how you feel.

    Thank you so much for sharing my poem, i truly mean every word. You are an inspiration, as is Angel Gabe x x

    Trina Leah

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